Total, utter exhaustion

Today there is not enough coffee in the world to keep my brain awake enough to function. It is not yet midday and I am counting down the minutes to bedtime already (or I would if my brain would function enough to do the maths). It was an early start with unmotivated kids and an even more unmotivated me. It started in the early hours of this morning. Here is a list of what has happened so far today:

• Pirate Monkey decided he needed to get into bed with my partner and myself at some horrible hour during the night. This would not pose a problem except, well, Pirate Monkey decided the best way to get to me was to try and go though my partner so I had a fun time trying not to fall out of bed as Pirate Monkey took up more and more room. We ended up all being awake and up before 6am. This is just horrible.

• I had had a sore back because my partner has limbs and was squashed up against me. See above point.

• Pirate Monkey and Tinkerbell decided they wanted to have a conversation about what animals we will see tomorrow at Healesville Sanctuary (which I had optimistically promised them earlier in the week when I wasn't so tired). I had not yet finished my first cup of coffee and my brain was not functioning so I mainly stared at them blankly, trying to comprehend what they were talking about.

• My partner left for work ( for the record he has ridiculously early start times) and I informed Pirate Monkey and Tinkerbell they needed to go brush their teeth. I found them a few minutes later staring at their toothbrushes like they had never seen one before.

• I got the kids shoes out. When I asked the kids to put on their shoes, one of Tinkerbell's shoes had mysteriously vanished within the last two minutes. We finally found it, after ten minutes (It was under the table - no, I do not know how it got there)

• I gulped down another coffee while Pirate Monkey asked for The Final Countdown to be played on repeat

• I told the kids we were leaving for school in ten minutes. Tinkerbell made some unintelligible sound as she drew, Pirate monkey shrugged his shoulders as he continued to play with his leggo. 

• 5 minutes later I told the kids they needed to pack up and get their bags for school, I went to get dressed. When I came out at 8:25, which is the time we need to leave for school, they had still not moved. I told them to go get their bags and cleaned up their toys.

• We walked to school. Pirate Monkey saw a dead mouse on the footpath. Tinkerbell refused to walk over it, next to it, around it or anywhere near it. Pirate Monkey gleefully talked about the dead mouse as we crossed the road. Tinkerbell told him to stop talking. I just wanted to throw up.

• Got to school. I was still half asleep, the principal came over to say hello so I had to pretend I could talk coherently. I failed.

• Came back home. Played Candy Crush  Was extremely productive.

• Am now ready for a nap

• Am now counting down to bed time

Now I must go hang up the washing, fold washing, make the beds, clean the kitchen and clean up the lounge. Excuse me while I go curl up in a ball somewhere. I need coffee.