I recently became aware of a group called the Australian Brotherhood of Fathers. You may have heard of them, if not you may have heard of one of their campaigns #21fathers. This group claim that 21 fathers are committing suicide a week because of family court issues, from domestic violence allegations to child access to child support.
At first glance I thought it was a good idea, fathers supporting fathers. Then I saw an article about the dubious claims made by this group so I decided to look into it, what I have found has shocked me. This group does not present themselves as an organisation dedicated to supporting fathers and reducing suicide rates. I have asked several times for the statistical information of what they claim, I have asked for links to journal articles or documents that show the facts they claim. The first time I asked, on one of their posts, I was accused of being a troll for the sole reason that the photos of myself and my kids are set to private on Facebook. This male decided that as he could not see the pictures, that I must be a troll. He also claimed I had my facebook for less than a year. I have had this particular facebook profile for about 18 months, I made a new Facebook account for reasons that I will not go into right now.
I sent a message to the page, asking for links to the proof of what they are saying, so far my message has gone unanswered. I am not the first to ask for the proof and I am not the first they have ignored. A quick scan of the Facebook page shows many people degrading women and making comments about the way they look. One male also stated:
"Do you know what's funny about the red heart campaign? They're all man hating, women using DV against men for their own gain. Just went and read some of their comments and almost all of them sound like my ex. Lies and deceit. At least with ABF most the fathers on here aren't worried about the mother, we just want fair rights to our children and for our children to live happy lives. Those women on that page don't even mention their children's best interest. They seem to be women that can't move on with their past but the only way to live their life is to perpetrate violence against men. Bunch of rhetoric narcissistic women with a lot of guilt on their shoulders!"
For those of you who don't know, The Red Heart Campaign is a support network for women and children who have survived domestic violence. It is a place where survivors' voices can be heard.
The Australian Brotherhood of Fathers needs to realise violence is more than just hitting. Violence includes verbal abuse and degradation, which is what is happening on their Facebook page. This makes their claims less credible and people are less likely to listen to them. This group seems to think it is a competition between men and women but it does not have to be. Imagine what could be achieved if men and women worked together to end Family Violence? Imagine what the children of these people will grow up seeing if this happened? The children would not grow up with males and females at war with each other, they will not grow up with parents at war with each other, these kids will grow up learning that Family violence is a social problem and needs to be tackled from the whole community. Education is key here, as is modelling the right behaviour.
The other problem I have with them is the advice they give. There was a comment made on the page to "commit suicide at an MP's office". This is a completely irresponsible and cruel comment. What would happen if a man went onto that page looking for help and already had a fragile mindset? What if he was already thinking about suicide and saw that comment? What about the completely innocent people who work at that office and have to see it? That could be very traumatic for an innocent bystander.
This group and it's supporters seem to think that a male will never commit domestic violence and there have been insinuations that all domestic violence reported is fake or the woman has provoked the male to be violent in some way. This is quite a dangerous way of thinking, Victims of domestic violence are already scared to speak out, most have been told by the perpetrator that they will not be believed and this attitude could cause victims to be too scared to speak up so they remain in danger. I say victims here and not women because yes, in some cases men are victims of domestic violence and I have not, nor will I ever dispute that.
I will also not dispute the fact that some women lie about domestic violence, some men are falsely accused. I personally know of at least two men who have been falsely accused of domestic violence. The same can also be said for men, I do not know of any person, male or female, that have committed domestic violence and happily admit it, if they do admit it, they say they were provoked, or they were under the influence of drugs and alcohol and they attempt to minimise their actions.
I support fathers having access to a support network, the same as women having access to a support network but I cannot support the actions of the Australian Brotherhood of Fathers. The vile words sprouted on their page by their supporters and their unwillingness to share where the facts they state came from is not the right way to go about this. Telling men to commit suicide is irresponsible and wrong and I cannot condone it and support it.
